Okay! So, remember how I said I was going to stop online dating because I didn’t feel that it was for me? Well…..that decision lasted about a month or two. Not because I am bored, (I got 3 whole kids y’all! I ain’t never bored) but part of me felt like I needed to move on from my failed marriage. So, for those of you that don’t know, I am divorced and I have been for about 4 years. I have not had a boyfriend since my divorce. (SHOCKER I KNOW!) The whole no boyfriend thing was my idea. Partially because I was focused on balancing my new life as a single mom and what that looked like, and the other part because I was not emotionally in a good place.

So, when I thought I was ready, I started online dating and all of these feelings came in that I was not prepared for. Not actual feelings for a person, but intense anxiety every time I went on a date or when someone pegged the question about kids or marriage. So, after consulting with a friend, she and I decided I should start going to therapy. No, I’m not crazy. Therapy is normal and working through your past pain and trauma should be celebrated more, not frowned upon. Nonetheless, I have continued to date casually while being in therapy the last 2-3 years.

Fast forward to now, when I feel that I am finally ready to be in a relationship, I decide to talk to my therapist about online dating. Even though I had been online dating for quite some time, we decided to talk about my reasoning for online dating. (I meet guys in real life, I am just super picky.) –This is going to be about body confidence I promise. We began to go over options aloud where she asked me if I thought online dating was filling a void or whether I believed that I could find my “forever” guy on there.

After talking for an hour, what we both began to realize is that my obsession with online dating wasn’t about finding the perfect mate. It was about finding me. A person that I had lost in my divorce. My ex would often say that I wasn’t pretty enough, that I would never find someone who wanted me, that I was overweight, and that I would never be happy without him. So, for me, this was an opportunity to prove him wrong. Not realizing that I had so much more healing to do in the process.

So, I began to work on my body confidence and my self-esteem. I vowed that I would never let someone make me feel unworthy of love. Love that God freely gives me as his daughter and love that I freely give myself. My advice to you my dear friends, is find your why. Those things that you are obsessed with and that have deep roots that bring you anxiety or trigger you. Find the reasoning why you do them. You may be surprised how your past traumas that you buried deep contribute to current triggers. –AND HEAL THEM!

(outfit deets: bodysuit, jacket, heels)

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