I told you guys a month ago that lately, I have been doing more of what terrifies me. Whether that is emotionally, spiritually, or in regards to plus size fashion. I stopped the online dating rat race, (I honestly got tired of it) and I confronted my fear of being alone. Even though I have been single for 3 years. My issue is not that I can’t find a guy who dates plus size women. My issue is that I am very picky when it comes to who is deserving of my time and energy.

So, back to the original way of meeting people. Hanging out with friends (YAY!). That notion is a tad terrifying because 1. I can be socially awkward when I am out with friends. 2. I am terrible at flirting. 3. I can’t run down your specs like I can on online dating sites. I have to get to know people the old fashioned way. YIKES!!!

So, this weekend, I am going to conquer my fear and social awkwardness and make strides to meet guys while my friend and I go to this wine crawl thing.Honestly, I am more excited about the wine and the outfit I will be wearing than I am about getting over my inability to flirt. Another fear that I decided to tackle this week was wearing something that I wouldn’t normally wear. I would never wear a mermaid gown or something tight around my tummy area. I love living in my comfort zone. But this part of my life is less about what’s comfortable, and more about doing the scariest things and finding freedom in it. I was always nervous to wear what I did not deem as flattering because I didn’t want others to say things about my appearance.

So, instead, I wore what I thought other people would approve of. So, to continually free myself from the opinions of others, I looked up inspiration for my next photo shoot on Pinterest and decided to recreate this look. It was way too cold to wear the shorts portion, but I could use it as inspiration. So, I ordered this gown on Amazon, ordered this gold buckle belt, and created a tulle skirt by gathering yards of tulle and attaching it to the belt by hand.

At the photo shoot, I was extremely nervous. Not because it was freezing outside or because I wasn’t comfortable with my photographer (who is amazing), I was nervous because of what others were going to say about my “problem area”. I was even more nervous about what I was going to say about my problem area.

But I promised myself almost a year ago, that whenever I had a negative thought about myself or my body, I would replace it with a more positive and encouraging thought. That I would send out the negative thoughts and only say nice things to myself. Over the last year, that strategy has greatly changed who I am as a person, how I see myself and other people, and even how I enjoy and experience life.

So, when I took the photos, I didn’t immediately feel empowered. Instead, I felt self-conscious. But after I began to talk nice to myself, I began to see my perfectly flawed body and I was completely okay with it.

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