Every day I wake up, I look in the mirror and try to convince myself that the black body that God gave me is worthy of love.

I try to tell myself that I’m worth all the trouble I cause and that I’m not a mistake. That God, the creator of the heaven and the earth didn’t make a mistake making me.

After all, God doesn’t make mistakes right? So why do I feel like I am the one mistake he made. Like he was walking into the other room, hit his leg on the corner edge of his dining room table, stumbled and mistakenly made me.

That in that mistake when he made me, I’d never be thin enough, I’d never be beautiful enough, I’d never be established enough, eloquent enough, passive enough, quiet enough, humble enough, or gentle enough.

You know gentle and quiet. How the bible says that Proverbs 31 women are supposed to be. Instead of me being quiet, patient, and gentle like Ruth. I am loud, outspoken, aggressive, type A personality who doesn’t wait and definitely hits the ground running every. single. time I get a chance.

You see…..my black thick boned body, with my dark skin, nappy edges, coupled with my loud, yet passionate voice is often taken as ghetto, intimidating, and aggressive.

I’ve often been told that I am such a pretty girl, that if I lost a little bit more weight, was a little less intimidating, was a little bit quieter, a little bit more gentle, then my marriage wouldn’t have ended in divorce. That I would be able to find a man who loves Jesus and loves me.

Every time the enemy tries to remind me of my long list of flaws through the mouths of “Godly men” and “Godly women” who can’t quite find the perfect balance between legalism and lawlessness God reminds me. 

You know the thing about God not making mistakes? Well, that works both ways. That regardless of how flawed I may feel, regardless of how damaged I may think I am, regardless of how I never feel good enough for society’s standards for women and especially women in the church, God continuously reminds me that I am wonderfully and beautifully made in his image and to reject that image would be rejecting the creator who created me. 

Rejecting that image would mean that God isn’t who he says he is, that he isn’t perfect, all-powerful, sovereign, graceful, merciful, and loving. It would mean that the God who put the stars in the sky and cares for the sparrows doesn’t care for me. 

But we know that isn’t true. Scripture says that God loves and cares for his children. That he sent his only son to die so that a flawed sinner like me could live. 

So, how could that be a mistake?

**Sidenote: Looking at these photos, I was going to sit down and write about how I love matching different textures to bring a different look to an outfit. But I kept tearing myself apart. How this is uneven or how I could have adjusted that. So instead of doing either of those things, I decided to write a poem about finding beauty in the way God made me.

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